Thanks, Aretha. I am borrowing your song title today. Peace.

I don’t think it’s a secret I feel like I should have the same rights as guys and that includes my approach to dating. For instance, I make clear indications in my profiles that I am looking for a relationship but that sex is a very important part of it for me. I want that known up front because it’s my way of setting expectations. If you know you can’t keep up, you know to swipe left on me. If you are a bit inexperienced, you know to swipe left. If you know you aren’t interested in a relationship, swipe left. It’s pretty easy. But I know people are reading this thinking I am being to forward and open. No I am not. Guys put all their cards on the table so I do too. And, I’m not going to go 6 months deep into a relationship tolerating bad sex I hoped would get better and didn’t. That’s where bad marriages start. I am old. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

So don’t shame me. Some of you wish you had held out like me.

What annoys me is the guys who message me anyway just to proposition for sex despite there being an entire paragraph preceding it explaining what I need before I am giving up the goods….the really good stuff. I’ll give you mediocre if you are half assing it with me. I’ll give you level b and c when I have what I want. Simple.

So why do they ignore and disregard what’s important to me and try to entice me into something else? First of all, it doesn’t work that way for me. I need to actually know someone or be Vegas drunk or it be 5 years ago. Unfortunately for all optimists, I am in Tyngsboro. No more Vegas. Therefore, I’m a relationship first and only girl now. Why do they disrespect that? What do they think they are offering which would turn me away from my convictions? Is that how little they think of women? We say one thing but mean another? That’s rape culture, my friends. It’s not cute. It’s not charisma.

I deal with this several times a week. No. I am not changing my approach because of it. I am not a demure girl. I am not going to start playing one at 44 just because you think I should. Those same guys would approach me but pretend they are interested in a relationship, get laid and then bail. My approach actually drives honest conversations…for the most part. It at least gives me a little more control and choice with how to proceed. I just don’t respond to them. But it doesn’t mean I am not offended.

Why do you do this guys? Is it a control thing? You want to “break” me? You want to be the one exception to my rule? You disrespect women? You think we are in a foreign street market where I am just throwing out the first price and we are going to negotiate it down? And believe me, with the conversations I have responded to, they do actually try and negotiate with me.

At the end of the day guys, you can have all the non-monogamous sex you want but you aren’t getting 100% of any woman that way. I would argue that in the confines of a loving relationship where there is trust and commitment you are far more likely to get to a deeper level and get the level b and c sex. If you think relationships inhibit that, you married the wrong girl without figuring this stuff out in the beginning. You chose to settle. You tainted your own experiences and your desire for “free love” will only get you so far. If you want it all, you have to give me what I want. There is no bartering. If I’m missing out then so are you. Plus, you don’t become more attractive when messaging me and disregarding everything else about me. You become as attractive to me as poop on a shoe.

I’m looking for the higher level guy. Or does he just not exist? If not, I guess I will just stay single. I’m not settling for less than I want or getting talked into what really, truly actually smells a little “Rapey.”