When you visit me in dreams you can be so kind and connected and then cold and mean.

When you visit me in dreams you climb in bed beside me even though you are supposed to be somewhere else and I know it.

When I awake in dreams, you disappear. You run away. You hide. You go back. I look for you in all the familiar places. But I don’t know that I will ever find you. The obstacles are many. The guilt and shame build. I can’t see my old landscape as cities have been built up around it obscuring my horizon.

There was anger. There was blood. There was the door you wouldn’t answer even though I knew you were there.

How can you visit me so clearly in dreams and then disappear? Where do you go? Why do you sleep over to begin with? Pretending I have always only been the better choice until I wake up and you aren’t here.

But you were here. You willed yourself into my dreams. You had something to work out, a point I never let you make before. But why? What for?