Taking this one from Chris Cornell. It’s probably my favorite of his and it has a great message.

I also take the phrase from friends who tell me this all the time….particularly when it comes to dating and the massive anxiety it stirs up in me. Honestly, not sure why I try dating… I feel happier and more stable when I’m not because at least I know how my days begin and end. Also, take into consideration I am on vacation and only have time to dwell. Normally, I’m too busy to feel of focus for more than 5 minutes at a time.

So being myself I have accomplished a couple awful things on vacation. One of my closest friends is not speaking to me. My fault, not at all his.

heading into last weekend I was being lusted after to the point a last minute weekend getaway got planned for my birthday. Pretty great. We survived rain, no a/c and a Murphy Bed.

But I am not sure we survived what came after that in a heavy alcohol binge that was unplanned. Good things happened and bad things happened. I am learning that I have been alone for so long that I don’t know how to consider another person’s feelings before my own just yet. I mean, several days of ruminating and not drinking at all has let it sink in so that I now know how to keep it from happening again. But a week of polite, arm’s length conversations could just be work struggles or it might be more.

I am supposed to come from a place of optimism and belief in this one but I don’t have a good history of being forgiven one slight and allowed to atone and move forward.

Being myself seems to not work very well and puts me in situations where I set up camp in shame. Or I convince myself I am overreacting when maybe I am not.

The longer I do polite, the bigger the space grows and do I cut and run because it’s still early enough? And is he thinking the same thing which is why this week we have only discussed beaches, golf and sharks in very quick conversation?

Maybe it’s time to consider being someone else.