I am very blessed with some recent accolades. I believe other people worthy as much as me. I don’t believe myself unworthy. I killed it this past year and have a little weight gain to prove it.

My boss warned me “haters gonna hate” but I told her I wasn’t counting pats on the back and understand everyone wants what I got…that I have a responsibility to prove why I got it and to be sure I’m not caught celebrating.

People have been incredibly supportive and gracious in my vicinity which further validates the risk I took this time last year to move to a new team with a new boss. I wasn’t the only one they asked. I just happened to be the one who said yes.

This week my boss asked me how it was going…. had I been getting positive reactions from my peers? I told her how great people are being. .. even the ones I know were disappointed it wasn’t them. She then asked me about the old crew. Hadn’t thought about that yet. I guess cos I only heard from one and should have heard from 3 more. I think I was blocking it out.

Last year, when I accepted the role change one peer told me it was all part of a plan to get rid of me. If getting rid of me meant getting me into another job with my company I said I hoped so because I had been trying to do it unsuccessfully, on my own, for 8 years. I didn’t understand the conspiracy I was being warned about and even if true, how could it do anything but benefit me?

So I guess maybe that’s why I haven’t heard from that person. Because their conspiracy was somewhat wrong. They aren’t trying to get rid of me. They are trying to build me up and position me for something amazing. There’s a big difference. And I am betting those 2-3 people not acknowledging me now are wishing they had accepted the offer I did.

I just didn’t want to think about this or that conspiracy again. I am a year removed from having to hear about perceived conspiracies and schemes which simply do not exist. It’s been my best year so far and I won’t apologize for it. I worked my ass off for it. I worked my ass off for several years before it. I just got blown off before because I had morals which didn’t line up with previous leadership.

But I am just a tiny bit sad. 1 out of 3 of those opinions do actually matter to me and I am now faced with wondering where I misstepped in that relationship.