Supposed to be on a date with a 43 year old man. His suggestion. His time. His location. Sure. I’m depressed. My back hurts. The dog cried when I left. I would have preferred to take a rain check tonight and stay home. But all these social media posts about how you have to take chances or that good things only happen to people who believe in good, blah, blah.

So I drove 20 minutes away to grab a drink at 9 when I am normally in bed reading. He bailed. He deleted our conversation and dating profile when I was parked in front of the bar. I wanted to just leave assuming that meant I was about to be stood up. But, no. I chose to be optimistic and open to an explanation. Perhaps he was still going to show up and I didn’t want to miss out or risk being the asshole. Friends would criticize and tell me my negativity manifested this situation. But I wasn’t being negative. Every move I made was done with optimism and positivity.

Outcome? I am drinking beer alone. He stood me up. Social media would have me believe I caused this somehow. Rational thinking would tell you I have a lot of bad luck despite coming from a place of optimism every day when I let my actions override my skepticism.

Nope. People are just assholes. Life is unfair. There is no rhyme or reason as to who gets what and God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle is bullshit. I am overflowing with things I can’t handle but everyone thinks I can and that I just don’t see it yet. Nope. I can’t. And don’t get me started on God.

What over 40 person stands someone up? And what kind of people need to tell me this is my fault? That’s really starting to fuck me up, to be frank.