Remember how I get super annoyed at people who post things on Facebook about how happiness is a choice, or you only get back the energy you put into the world, or good things happen to good people? I know you know. My skin crawls and I want to physically scream every time I see it. I am a total contradiction to all of that. Or, sadly, my friends think I am a selfish asshole who only has negative thoughts, does only bad things and chooses depression in the morning over happiness. Because really, that is what you are saying to me. That means you either don’t know me at all or need to spend time in med school studying the brain.

Anyway, you shouldn’t be putting good things into the world in hopes of what may eventually happen for you. If you are a lucky person whose scales tip the happiness balance heavier than it does for the rest of us, just feel blessed. No need to pontificate to the rest of us what you believe you are doing to control that and how the rest of us are falling short. You actually have very little control and have been luckier thus far than others. You actually don’t know if it’s me or you who would fall short if the tables were reversed. I know….that frightens you. It means you have no guarantees your outlook could change, your luck could change or that you can’t ever protect yourself from becoming me. Your Deepak Chopra memes are actually driven by fear and judgement. And there’s a good chance you know you don’t have the grit to barrel through what I do with the strength and tenacity I do.

I do a lot of good things for people on almost a daily basis. I put a lot of positive things into the universe. I do not get anywhere near even a hundredth of a portion of that back. I’m also ok with that. I want a happy life simply because so many people have them (in general – no one is happy all the time.) It is a fair expectation to have without worrying about what happy sweat equity I am generating towards the universe to earn my reward.

I had to pull off something pretty huge today which involved other people cooperating with me to look after the person I needed to look after. I get satisfaction in two things. 1) I am able to help someone in desperate need and 2) that I am involved with people of such high caliber they got on board to help me. Because of them, I was even able to over deliver. I feel good about all of it because it was the right thing to do. I expect nothing in return which is good because, if history is a good predictor, nothing good is coming my way.

My blessing is that I have the ability and access to help a lot of people when they fall on tough times. It’s a privilege to be the person people can come to and count on. Most people find it a burden to think someone may be hoping you’ll come around. They are the ones who post suicide hotline numbers once a year but don’t ever actually reach out to their friends who they know are diagnosed with depression. I think that’s actually the most negative energy being put into the world. “Postcard” people….”I’m thinking of you but not really, just using this card to buy another year of ignoring you when you actually need me.” I just think when you are a person who actually can and will help people, that’s kind of the greatest gift on earth. No one should ever be too busy for that. You’re missing out on so much when you don’t make space to be that for someone.

Knowing I was able to create a situation which will offer this person the ability to take a deep breath, relax her shoulders and stop feeling bad about herself is just a really wonderful feeling. Why? Because I am empath. When she cries, I feel that. When she has trouble breathing, I feel that too. I basically know what eases me and try to find what eases others. That’s about as selfish as I get. We are both able to take a deep breath at the same time and realize we have options. We have hope. That’s all I care about. I know what it feels like to feel trapped and hopeless and, most of the time, I have nobody to talk to about that. If I can be that person for someone else and find a solution when you need my help, that’s my only mission. I think there is no purer and positive a heart that says “I know your pain, I have it and nobody helps me with mine but I am going to help you with yours so you never have to know what it feels like to be me.” It’s just the right thing to do. Perhaps I am the holder of the best knowledge after all.