Need a journal prompt today. I have something major on my mind I could write about but it’s a pretty open, oozing wound at the moment which if I go at too soon, could sever tendon and bone…become irreparable. An amputation May need to be the outcome. I don’t know right now. So I’m hanging onto that limb for the moment and will play it out while trying not to damage it further.

Today’s prompt: A dream that seems impossible

I want to write. I don’t do it well but it’s all I want to do. I think in order to do it well, I would need to free up more of my brain which means quitting my line of work entirely. However, I cannot do that because I very much need that income. That said, if money were no issue, I would quit and write every day with my dog on my lap.

I wish to travel a lot more. Norway, Sweden, Finland, Iceland, Denmark, More Spain, parts of Africa, Vietnam, Cambodia, more time in the desert out west….kind of wish to have a 2nd home out by Joshua Tree for escapes where I could go days with my phone and iPad turned off. I’d also like my primary home to be on the beach.

I would like a male companion who thinks I am a good person, who cares about humanity in ways similar to me….someone kind and forgiving. A liberal, a feminist because that’s actually really sexy to me now. I didn’t know that for a good 20 years but when I look back on what was missing from 2 decades of relationships, it feels like a latent disrespect and fear of strong women may always have been present.

All my exes liked to be around more when I was broken or sad….there was some kind of solution they felt they could provide. Or maybe it was easier for them to get laid. But whenever I got strong or felt like they might not be acting in my best interest, they disappeared at first feedback. So that’s been the missing piece and what makes me super attracted to the feminist guys I have been meeting more often in the last couple years. Their minds, their graces and kindnesses towards others have made me crave them.

So that kind of companion to travel with is a dream which seems pretty impossible at the moment. It would be cool to be lounging around together on a Saturday while I write and he reads. Or, I go to a coffee shop alone for awhile to write and we meet mid day for a beer or grab the beach chairs and hit the sun for a bit.

It’s a really beautiful dream and fairly simple, I think. And yet, just not really all that realistic. I need my job for my income. My writing isn’t good enough to a pay a mortgage with. Although if I were not distracted by my exhausting work and responsibilities I would likely have the discipline to make the writing much better.

So a life of writing, a love who travels and doesn’t hate/fear a woman like me who wants me to just be me and nothing more or less.

That’s my impossible dream.