For the record, I have not.

I had a really cool dating experience for a couple days last week.  This guy doesn’t mince words or waste time.  We met online and he very quickly asked me to have dinner with him that night.  At first, I hesitated and planned some paragraph about how busy I am and how it’s awfully quick and all that stuff.  But every time I sense myself about to do that or say “no” I challenge myself to say “yes.”  I have been having so much more fun lately because of this approach.  Plus, I do really like a guy who takes action and doesn’t follow a set of rules.  It’s empowering and sexy.  It’s my language.

As it came closer to time for dinner, I hadn’t heard back on exactly where we were meeting and at what time.  We had both been at the gym first.  Normally I’d just bail.  Instead, I did my best “decisive” and messaged him “I will be at Tavern on the Square at 8 PM with or without you.”  The way I figured it is if he stood me up, I’d still get to order macaroni and get hit on by other guys so it would be a good night no matter what.  He showed up – steak and avocado salad instead.

He was really good looking – way better than his photos.  He was a ginger – bonus!  He was also so confident, interesting, unique and really easy to talk to.  I had no problem being direct or able to disagree with him – it just flowed – a real, adult conversation with a mind of equal pace.  Plus, it didn’t hurt that he was 6’3 and I didn’t have to worry about emasculating him with my heels.

He travels for work and is in the Boston area something like every 3 months so I had no expectations.  He is a very big deal in his profession – money is not a motivator; it’s a given.  He had a really diverse background.  Grew up on welfare, joined the Navy, educated himself and just totally went after things with no insecurities.  My kind of person – the kind of person who makes me want to take a break from my resting “B game” and back up to my “A game.”  Just a really cool dinner experience.  At the end of dinner, he asked me out for dinner the next night and I said “yes.”

Day 2.  Lots of banter throughout the day building up to the next date.  “What’s something about you no one else knows?  “What are your biggest turnoffs?”  “What was your best date this year and why?”  “When was the last time you made out with someone?”  “Why would anyone show up to a presentation with a 78 page power point?”  I anticipated we would have a lot of follow-up to talk about at dinner and wasn’t wrong.

Super flirty dinner.  We talked about our friends and some of the funny things we have experienced with them.  We talked about bad date experiences like the time he took a Vegetarian to a steak house.  We had differences too – he owns guns and a motorcycle.  I am fairly certain he voted for Trump.  We talked about relationships failing and why that might happen.  He told me about a friend of his whose wife got a Pixie haircut and he lost his attraction for her.  He asked me why women get that haircut.  I said it wouldn’t be my preference unless I needed to do it for medical reasons but some women like to keep things simple and maybe it was easier for her having three kids.  I tried to empathize with her while understanding the general, honest male view of “unsexiness” it brings to the dynamic.  Basically, we never ran out of things to talk.

A couple Harpoon UFOs in, a little dim lighting in a bar and sitting side by side in the booth watching football, a back rub – the urgency built around his out of town schedule.  There may have been an incredibly sexy make out in an alley on the way back to the car.  The kind where a black wrap dress is insanely, perfectly suited and you have new fantasy fodder where much of your other fodder has grown stale.  And another intense bout of activity in the parking lot against the car interrupted only by an odd man coming out of the bushes wearing a cloak and waving a light saber.  Unsure of what that was about but it was hilarious and hurried up the question “your place or mine?”

The next day we left it as “I’ll call you for dinner when I get back from this trip to New York next week.”  I didn’t buy that and it’s ok.  This was exactly what I needed.  Fun, simple, romantic and no expectations.  Even still, I checked our online dating app chat once in awhile to see if he had made any new comments as he had the day after.  Nothing new.  No worries.  But late Sunday afternoon I checked and he had deleted our connection and chat.  “What did I do wrong for that harsh action?”  Literally, Ken (insert gagging sound as I say that name I hate)  had done that just a week ago and it feels like a punishment for having been a bad girl and not in the “adult” way.  It made me feel ashamed for a second.

Until I realized I had done nothing wrong and had been the epitome of charming, cool and well behaved at the bar.  “A” game was on.  Black dress was on.  Intelligence was on.  Free spirit and NSA was totally on.  Actually, I am at my best in a little adventure like this with no rules and someone with a non-traditional lifestyle where anything can happen.  I could never see this guy again or I could be traveling internationally a few times a year.  Both work for me.  But deleting me made me think I needed to investigate.  This is a good sign that my confidence is back.

It didn’t take me very long to find the Pixie haircut.  His wife….and their 3 kids.  All the pieces fell into place in rapid succession.  This business traveler likes to pretend he is single – that his home in CA is rented out to roommates while he travels.  Despite my profile saying “no married guys” he decided to take on the conquest anyway.  So hear this Ken (gag) – I didn’t know he was married.  You can’t get mad at me for that.

There weren’t even any signs (well, ok, he had a vasectomy but a lot of guys at this age have done that.  Didn’t seem unusual for this advanced world traveler.)  I am guessing he does this in every city.  And that’s ok.  I am not sad.  I made no illusions I was special.  I had already assumed he was doing this in every city and I was just “Boston.”  He was going to be my “Traveler” just like my “German” and my “T.”  I wasn’t looking for more with this one.  But married…that’s just annoying.  And he hates his wife’s hair and used that as a “I have this friend…” dinner topic.  That’s so tacky it’s almost funny.

The moral of this story…

  • Where there is a vasectomy, there is probably a child somewhere.  And where there is a child, there is probably a wife.
  • A highly decisive guy, while so sexy and desirable, is probably a guilty guy on a timetable.
  • A pixie haircut is just not a risk worth taking.
  • I slept with a Trump voter and haven’t melted yet.
  • Unless blatantly obvious something is a bad idea, keep saying “yes.”  Even an experience with a twist can be fun and educational.