The Extra Confident

“Devoted father of 2.  Sports fan.  Good job. What more could you want?

No hookups you little vixens.”

Translation:

“I want you to think women are teeming outside my door looking for sex even though that scenario pretty much exists nowhere in real life.”

The Dick

“…no jealous or woman who needs meds to make them happy please.”

Translation:

“I’m a cheater, liar and potential wife beater.”

The Cryptic

“I am looking for a woman to spend time with and get to know.  A woman that is loving and willing to give as well as receive.”

Translation:

“Basically, I want blow jobs, lots of them.  My last girlfriend didn’t give them but I didn’t want to just come out and say it.”

Silence of the Lambs

“If you think I’m cute, hit me up and let’s have some fun.  I am easy going, funny, vegetarian & great kisser.  I also have baby soft young skin &5’9.  In my free time I workout at the gym & keep in great shape.”

Translation:

“Put the lotion in the basket.”

Does Spelling Count?

“Looking for a sole mate.”

Translation

“I am missing a shoe.”

Matchmaker

….literally the next profile after the last one…

“I’m a loving person looking for a sole mate.  I love outdoors, camping, fishing, hunting, hiking and the beach to name a few.  I love to cook, chicken & Italian leads the list.  I do have children and hoping you do too.  I can’t have anymore (insert scissors emoji.)

Translation:

…so much material in this one.  First, Looking for a sole mate – see the guy above.

“I have named all outdoor activities known to the state of New Hampshire.  I think it’s cute to use vasectomy emojis.  At least I am being up front about it.  And, I too am looking for a shoe.”