More random thoughts of things I don’t want to forget.  I wish to develop the capability to enjoy a simpler life.  My entire life I would never have been caught dead in a dress with sneakers but I did it today.  And nobody cares because everyone was doing the same.

No one seems to be wearing makeup or have much hair styling and they look fine.  Why am I such a Slave to that?  All the makeup, hair dye jobs, fitness regimens, clothes to stand out purposely as best dressed or on trend….none of it has made me richer, married, promoted.  Yet, when I go home, I will feel as though I have to keep this up when at this very moment I want to throw away thousands of dollars worth of beauty products.

I did as much as I could being as sick as I am but didn’t get to check everything off my list because I simply lack the stamina.  I truly am insanely angry about it for 3 reasons  .  1) PTSD has done such a number on my body that I cannot get large breaks from being sick.  I only just got through a sinus infection 6 weeks ago which was only 2 months from the last one.  2) Even with all the dr appointments I have and the holistic healing on the side, we can’t figure out how to improve my immune system even if only for longer respites between illnesses.  3) which is why I am very open and specific in asking sick  people to communicate with me via email for a bit rather than come to me face to face because I catch all their illnesses.  And, not only that, could pass them on to my parents who are also frequently compromised.

  • Additionally, I give my heart And soul to folks, walk through fire for them and I ask for nothing other than space when they are ill.  And they can’t even give me that.  This is more than just not feeling well on vacation which can happen to anyone.  It’s the basic premise of what chips away at me every day and I can’t even get that tiny amount  of selflessness for a couple days from anyone when I give far more with minuscule ask.  Seriously, how does someone’s lack of self control justify me not being able to taste chocolate in Belgium and Experience more beer tasting – 2 very big reasons for taking this trip.

Anyhow, I digress a lot.  Fergus would love be it here. Very dog friendly and so many wonderful walks we could take.  If the Cape house isn’t a long term plan, I could retire here and take holidays Back and forth through Belgium, Holland and France at whim.  It’s just so beautiful here and they support my bed time.

Did a canal ride today which was nice.  Climbed the Belfry and experienced a superb view of this interestingly round city.

I am breaking down and ordering taxis tomorrow because I haven’t the stamina for pushing luggage across cobblestones or the patience for getting lost which normally doesn’t bug me.  Plus, I need to find my 9 am chocolate tour in Brussels tomorrow which is 4 hours long.  I think I will just try to buy some key stuff and eat it at home when I feel better…..hopefully before my August vacation I am sure will be ruined just like Christmas vacation last year.

I must channel this anger into productivity towards getting out of this bad situation and seeing if I can mentally challenge myself to just be simpler.  I downgraded the car which is a start but I need to do more.  Europeans are amazing and interesting.  I really want to be changed by this experience.

I know I am down about being sick but I really  am enjoying the trip and pushing myself. I can crash at work and be sick and slow there 🤧.  Then we might be equal in what they took away from me being able to relax and mend on this vacation.

Oh, completely forgot that I stumbled onto a nunnery which was so peaceful because you had to be silent walking around.  There was a small church I walked into where a handful of nuns were having service so I sat for awhile.  It was so peaceful to hear her voice, singing and prayer even though it was a different language.  Very enlightening experience where all my Catholic kneeling, quiet, prayers and sign of the cross kicked in right away.