This is embarrassing so enjoy.

So I have to resort to dating apps to try and meet new people.  I have heard you don’t like my bar hopping pick ups…actually, neither do I.  Work isn’t the right place and even if it were, I am too old.  My friends with single guy friends have definitely tried to fix me up.  We have run out of those guys.  And, even if I do meet a prospect, I am fairly complicated with my need for independence, my strong minded ways, my awkwardness in social situations and my social media exhibitionism…plus, my inherited gene combo isn’t the nicest.

I kind of always thought I would mesh best with military, navy seals, government agents, musicians…you know, people on the road a lot with a high degree of risk and me needing be on high emotional angst, good and bad, to maintain my adrenaline needs.  Let’s face it, the idea of just settling into laundry, Netflix and Sunday dinners is a bit dull and pedantic for me.  Musicians?  They aren’t risking their lives so I can see how that is an odd part of this sequence but that’s more about creativity and trying not to cheat (or at least doing so without passing on STDs to me and making me a stepmom) on me while missing me from the road and penning songs about it.

Despite being in dating apps, any man who messages me I find immediately suspect.  I don’t have the perfect figure.  I don’t have photos showing me partying with a bunch of friends and I am not there looking to hook up.  I am also intelligent and most times spell pretty well when autocorrect doesn’t get in my way.   More importantly, I have a disclaimer that I cannot be attracted to Trump voters.

So when this military guy reached out to me recently, I wasn’t expecting much.  I assumed he didn’t read far enough to get my Trump disclaimer.  Not to be overly stereotypical, but I don’t think there is a large population of liberal army guys out there.  And there aren’t that many single ones because many of them get married young for that life.  My dad was one of them.  But he was spelling just fine and acting super nice.  He certainly didn’t ask me to be friends with benefits or if I am kinky which happened with 2 other dudes this week.  Am I kinky?  Wouldn’t you like to know?  Actually, some of my exes are on here so they know 🙂

In this case, this was my speed.  He was hoping we could get to know each other for now and then meet up when he gets back in July.  Perfect for me.  Totally casual, totally fits with my schedule and doesn’t require any upheaval in my life for the immediate future.  Also, plenty of time to decide he isn’t right for me and to land that message softly.

I know enough about ground forces not to ask questions.  There is zero doubt what they have seen and had to do.  Respect.  They also can’t always tell you where they are or what they are doing.  Some of them get heavily invested in their “woman” because it’s a way to have something to look forward to so they zero in on that.  So it made total sense that he seemed to be getting into the idea of me rather quickly.  He started talking about where we should meet and having a potential relationship.  I pumped the breaks on both.  Military or not, that shit gives me palpitations.  I need a few minutes to sit with that crap and think through it.  Plus, how can anyone want to be with me that quickly?  See description above. If I were that alluring in spoken word and photos alone, someone would have locked this down long ago.  I am no flake.

But I believe in love.  I think my life has been odd enough to make me suitable for this situation and the whirlwind it might entail, including the idea of falling for someone who might get killed or severely injured.  PTSD….breeze.  So I did what I always do.  Research.   “What is it like dating someone in the military?”  Bing responded with a number of very helpful articles and blogs to give me a glimpse into what I might need to consider before I can plan a date or answer “yes” I might consider a relationship at some point.

I found I was more willing to consider it than I thought but I was still putting my foot down on furthering that conversation.  Plus, I don’t believe in getting to know someone or falling for them until you have met face to face.   Chemistry and sex are kind of all or nothing for me.  Leo.  So I wasn’t going to budge on that.  The research was just to help me decide if I should ghost this situation now or see it out at least knowing that if it went well, I would be able to let it go further.  I know you think I am nuts but I have to know that about myself up front and then keep it in my back pocket so I can have a planned, “natural” response when the time is right.  Just go with it.

Page 3 in Bing I saw one title about military scams.  I read it.  Warning signs….doesn’t have a military address or military email. I didn’t know about that stuff yet.  There hadn’t been a need to ask.  Eager to advance to a relationship quickly….uh-oh.  Yeah, that nagging reminder of how I am not that charming or alluring crept back up.  Peacekeeping mission for the UN….shit, he did mention that and I don’t think we are on any big peace keeping missions at the moment.  And back from the back of my  mind “he didn’t really vote for Trump????”

All of a sudden the reality of my life came crashing down again.  I was back to being a girl who bought a nanny cam to watch her dog sleep on the couch while I am at work.  And the only thing standing in the way of me getting home to him was a stop for a CTScan to figure out why my nose runs all the time, why I have to clear my throat all the time and why I get sinus Infections all the time. Back to deciding what tours to do in Europe.  Back to needing to remember to pick up my prescription and to write down my bread recipe for Mother’s Day dinner.

I texted him back and asked him how I should know this wasn’t a scam.  How romantic!  And I was trying to not do it in my usual 0 to 100 way because if there was any chance this is a real guy, then I needed to be respectful of the fact he is trying not to get killed every day and has a very different urgency for a relationship than us common folk.   He said it isn’t.  I then asked for his military email and apo.  No answer yet.  Could be the middle of the night in said peacekeeping zone or could be some Nigerian scammer.

Much as I want to be wrong about a scam and pleasantly surprised that he is real, I have a graduate degree, some knowledge of military protocol and work for a financial institution with OFAC affiliation.  If you are trying to scam a girl, probably picked the wrong one. I question my HOA fee going up $10 and stepped backwards buying a new car.  I scrape the bottom of empty purses in my closet for quarters about 3 days ahead of every pay day.  I got nothing extra to wire you buddy.  And even if I did, I guess I don’t believe in love over money when I have never truly had both.

So I am back to being my old self again believing that this kind of thing is a scam and could never actually just be a real cool story like some of my friends have with their husbands.  A guy wanting to marry me a month after dating is something that happens to my amazing friends, not me.  Because if someone were going to love me so freely, quickly and confidently ( and have me feel the same In return) it would have happened by now.

It was fun to believe in love for a few minutes today….like this weird situation might have actually been custom designed to fit the life I have been through and uniquely prepare me for what’s next.  Alas, I should have said yes to the friends with benefits offer from the other day.  At least that was real.